dedicated to Bethany Winstead, David Walker and Kenneth Kupelian
I do not exaggerate when I say that my laptop can be directly linked to the amount of time I spend laying in bed. This is a phenomena I have only recently experienced as I have been much behind the times. Let me take a moment to explain my apathetic relationship with technology.
It all began at the age of 8 when our family purchased our very first Nintendo. If you remember correctly...the controllers on the Nintendo were pretty basic. They consisted of two red buttons, and a little cross looking...thingy.
Anyway, my brothers and I would plug away at "Chip n Dale Rescue Rangers" for hours on that thing. Most of the time, my brother David would purposefully kill me in the middle of whatever level we were in. Correct if me if I am wrong...but Chip and Dale were not enemies, but rather brothers with a common cause. So why did he keep throwing me off cliffs? Weren't we working together to defeat "fat cat"?
All that to say, if David didn't do me in, the Nintendo would simply freeze up. This lead to endless hours of blow drying the dust out of the bottom...and pointing the gun ridiculously close to the screen to shoot any one bird down in "Duck Hunt". I had finally had enough and my little heart was forever frozen to any video game, or electronic device. Forever would I harden myself so that I could be no further troubled by the pain of technology.
So it's no wonder when I was 23 I had no cell phone. What would I possibly do with a cell phone anyway? I much liked my nomadic, secluded lifestyle. I could not think of any reason to allow anyone and everyone to get ahold of me whenever they wanted to. I had to keep my hermit ways somehow right? So next to my bed, on an old nightstand I kept the most rustic of things...(dadada, dramatic horrifying music)
A LANDLINE TELEPHONE
On this landline phone I kept a voicemail. I had no caller id, no fancy nothing. It was a shot in the dark...and dangerous decline into the old ways. I had no idea who was calling me, and better yet they had no idea if I was home or what I was doing. Joyous, mystical, and terrible was this landline phone. And my heart grew to love it.
I remember the adrenaline rush of parking my car in front of the house and rushing up the stairs to check my voicemail at the end of a long work day. The possibilities were endless! Maybe that boy called, maybe I got a telemarketer...who knew? Nobody! Wonderful wonderful and wonderful again. I soon memorized all of my friends phone numbers due to being without a "contact list"...I was like the "Rain Man" of our group...randomly spouting off numeric orders for the entertainment of all.
However, this sweet time could not last. Because with a job comes responsibilities. With friends come social opportunity and I soon realized that I had to get a blasted cell phone or forever be behind the rest of the world. And so I did...and the rat race that descended upon my life with that simple purchase will forever be regretted. Let's not even get into text messaging.
So, I'd avoided video games, almost held out for the cell phone...what piece of robotics was still out to get me? Well, I'd already had one ipod go kaput on me and had two others stolen. So it would have to...ah yes. The computer...or better yet, laptop.
I had successfully avoided these strange creatures, for many years in fact. After all, what was so bad about checking email, shopping and balancing your check book at the local library? That's what I had always done. I felt a little warmer inside, walking to the library to share a computer with the community...maybe even a little green, if you will (will you?).
However, upon the start up of a artwork website, college plans and other ridiculous endeavors... (like Facebook) I soon realized I needed to buy a laptop. It was time to jump in the pit with everyone else. I mean, how bad could it really be? It's not like the computer I buy will break down within 16 days and I would lose hundreds of dollars because of a bum return policy at Best Buy!! Right?
Yeah that's what happened.
And so, for 6 months I regrouped and made a plan of attack.
As Karma would have it, I would even go onto date a hacker...which is so ironic it's laughable. Also, I've become a bit more 2009 savvy. I was given an ipod that weighs about 5 pounds. I don't mind, It may be old but at least I can drop it and it will keep playing all those ace of base songs I have downloaded on my work out mix. I own a cell phone that has only one crack on it, and is holding fast throughout my clumsy lifestyle. It is not an iphone. I prefer to dial on buttons, not air...Beth. And in the end I did purchase a laptop with the help of that good ol' hacker buddy of mine and it seems to be stable so far.
Except for that now, I stay up way too late fiddling around with another source of great technological power...THE INTERNET. Which is what I am doing right now...on this damn blog.
Sigh.....
My next purchase will be a pager and disc man. The pager is so you can get ahold of me where ever I am. The disc man is so I WONT hear it vibrating.
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2 comments:
This is so much cooler than my homework. Seriously, you've now got my humming that "milkshake" song except I'm replacing "milkshake with "ipod," ironic, cause my ipod isn't better than anyone else's. Hmm... I think that it would be sweet to have, instead of celebrity death match, like, ipod death match, where ipods could duel and use their songs as ammo, there would be cool little notes made of sculpey going SPLAT all over the place. Oh, if you think of it, tell your ipod that my ipod says "hi."
My i-pod is lime and named Jolly "Green Machine" Giant. That's pretty intimidating. Your i-pod is going down...death match set for Saturday. 8pm, pacific standard time. Just kidding. My i-pod doesn't speak english, exchange i-pod....swiss. Upon obtaining a translator I will pass on the message.
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